[CONTEST] Let the PUN begin

Community
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“People may claim to hate puns, but most true word lovers have groaned to love them” - Jay Heinrichs.

Apply your best paronomasia skills to win Sitepoint prizes!!

We want to see your best effort, manipulating the English language, to fabricate puns.

Here is an example:
Phrase -

Phil wanted to become a Hot Air Balloon Pilot

Possible answers (entries):

On his resume, Phil’s description of his experience is HIGHLY INFLATED

Phil’s friends say he always has his head in the clouds

Here are the rules:

  • Reply to this thread with a post that is a pun on the Phrase provided
  • There is no limit to the number of entries per person
  • Your entry is a reply to this thread
  • Please NO REPLIES THAT SIMPLY COMMENT ON THE THREAD
  • Remember to be POLITE and CLEAN {all the rules of Sitepoint Forums apply}
  • Keep your response to one or two sentences only
  • After collecting a list of “groaners” we will post a poll put it to a vote
  • The author of the puniest response will have a choice of Sitepoint e-books

Here is the phrase to start off our contest:

Mark had been a writer of Web content. He is now training for the next Olympic Games.

*Sorry, English only.

2

Mark tried his hand at trampolining, but opted not to continue with the training due to the event’s high bounce rate.

3

Mark decided to use his experience in getting a lot of hits to help him on to the Olympic boxing team.

4

Mark traded in Wordpress for Benchpress.

5

Sadly, Mark had to give up his Olympic ambitions because of a limp 'e 'ad.

6

Mark used to be a content writer, but now he’s a dis-content writer.

7

Mark was injured during the 500m when all of the contestants tackled him as the announcer proclaimed “On your Mark, Get Set, Go”

8

Mark had been a writer of Web content. He is now training for the next Olympic Games.

Hopefully he will be content with his decision.

9

He better strech his muscles so they don’t get tangled on the web

10

Fancying himself as a graphic designer, Mark also made a bid to redesign the Olympic logo, but found there were too many hoops to jump through.

11

Crawling during the 200m didn’t share the same PageRank results that Mark was used to

12

Mark-up’d his chances of winning a medal by entering both the 100m sprintf and the Javalin.

13

Mark was ecstatic when he won the #FFD700.

14

Mark thinks he will win the 100 word race

15

Mark tried the pentathlon but found he was better as a disqus thrower.

16

Mark got done for cheating, he hadn’t read the microcopy.

17

Mark has Olympically passed from writing…he only wants to be a gamer in training :shifty:

18

The foreman asks, “Pete, on your mark?”. Pete says “Yes the cement…Get it Set, then Go”.

19

He did pretty good at the Winter Olympics. He struck fear into his opponents with his slogan “Now is the Winter of your dis-content!”

20

Mark was hoping to use some of his previous experience, but unfortunately, “tag” was not an official Olympic sport.